Two weeks ago was a crazy week for me. Life was crazy. I was in more courses than I was expecting to be, working a new job all the while getting my brain rolling and planning with all that might go on at camp this summer! It was my reading week and so I was hoping to do bit of catch up. I was feeling super overwhelmed and stressed (though obviously i didn’t need to be, what do I have to fear if I have Jesus!) by what I all had on my plate and I hated it! I just want it to end, I needed some relief! At the same time there was a part of me that wanted to keep going anyway because in my mind quit is a 4 letter word. I hate quitting, my head relates quitting with irresponsibility. I really want to be someone who finishes what they started and doesn’t quit when the going gets tough.
So I talked to God about it. I felt Him saying to keep plugging away, so keep on going I did, figuring that if this was what he wanted, he would give me what I needed to finish.
I continued for a while like this and things only got more overwhelming, my mind was who know’s where, I felt like I could barely think at all anymore, my mind was always in 6 different places at once, I was running around and never letting myself break. I felt like there was just so much I had to do. I guess I thought I was superman and could just power through it all. But eventually I came to God again, “this is a gongshow, I feel I can’t keep doing this!” Then he revealed to me a new thing. He said Seth, all I want is to love you, let me Love you! If that’s in finishing all you started do that, if that’s in dropping a course or two do that. Don’t fear about choosing what to do because I don’t care as much whether you do or don’t do all the things you want to get done but how you received my love and gave it back to me.” It was so relieving. I felt like I had been given permission to, like a famous person once said, “Love God and do what you please.” If I love God what pleases me is exactly what he is desiring! I could love God no matter what I did and at that moment I felt like I WASN’T superman and needed to be with God some more and I felt that dropping 2 courses would me to do that. After that I felt like I was living again! It was so relieving!
At the end of it all what I hope you can take away from this is that, having less on my plate DIDN’T remove stress, what did was letting myself rest at the thought of Jesus. - literally thinking about who He is, dwelling on who He is, resting in how He sees me, what He is like, what it will be like to be in the fullness of His presence, what he looks like, spending time soaking up truth in the word, worshiping. Being super busy in my case distracted me from what really mattered and what TRULY satisfies me. Even after my burden was lighter I still stress/ed in the times that I look at myself wondering how well I will make out of situations, but when I look at Jesus I realize that …. His love is all that matters! Lightening my lode in my circumstance simply helped me to letting myself rest at the thought of Jesus.
Seek him with all of your heart, all of your soul, with all your strength and will all of your mind so that you can love him that way! Letting Yourself rest at the thought of Jesus.
“Hey Hebrews 12:2, How do we run the race?”
“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
“Unreal!”
(It’s funny how it came to me the other day how many of the things he’s revealing to me are some of the same things I got to talk about in sessions in LDP. Always giving more… that guy!!!) - Also see 2 Cor 4:16-18, Col 3:1-4
He love's your heart for Him even if you don't always live it out the way you wanted to.
